Old Pastry Chefs Never Die, They Just Make Less Dough

Meet the new boss.......

Momcouch

And I thought my last boss was easy! This is Mom. The one I'm "employed" by......the one I am now caring for. She looks kind of grumpy, but she's really not....she's just concentrating on "Wheel of Fortune". She never misses it.....or "Jeopardy" either. Every night, it's dinner, then "Wheel of Fortune" and "Jeopardy". I've only been at this caregiving thing for a couple of weeks now, and I'm about to go MAD! Mad I tell you. But I found a little help......

Madwine

No, I'm not a drunken caregiver.......but a glass of wine now and then never hurt anyone, right? See, here's the deal.
I'm a pastry chef that is used to deadlines and pumping the product out.......move move move.....time to lean time to clean......that sort of stuff. On my feet all day......die on the couch when I get home....etc etc etc. Life was moving at 78 rpm (for you young'uns, that means 78 revolutions per minute, which was the speed of very old record albums), and now I'm at 33 1/3........actually less. I'm like the bionic man, who, when he was shown using his bionics, he ran verrrrry slowly with the accompanying sound effect....ch ch ch ch ch (or was that when he was jumping off buildings?) Ok, I've got to stop dating myself. Kids today are like, "record albums? 33 1/3? Bionic man? Huh?"

Anyway.

This caregiving thing isn't about deadlines or moving my fat butt around the kitchen as fast as I can go to "git 'er done". It's about patience, sacrifice, putting another person's needs over yours.........something similar to what Moms do everyday, except I've never been a "mom" until now. Now I'm my Mom's mom. Did I say anything about patience? Yeah, well lucky me, I have it. For instance, the other day my mom decided to go through her rolodex and reminisce about every person in it, from A-Z. She'd say "Oh remember Herb and Irene?" I'd say "yes", then she'd say, "they're dead now". And so I got the current update of who of our friends and relatives were still alive or dead. I can't TELL you how much fun that was. My eyes were glazed over and I hadn't even had my glass of wine yet.

Mom doesn't want to move into a retirement village or assisted living or any of that. She wants to stay home. I'm doing what I can to keep her at home without wiping out her finances, which is why I'm her primary careperson. Daughters work cheap......well, at least I do. Plus I manage her financial affairs, which is something a hired caregiver cannot do. She is too confused to manage her finances anymore, so I do that and pay myself a small fee.

Mom has Crohn's Disease, and Myasthenia Gravis, both are which autoimmune disorders. They tend to make her somewhat homebound, and she's gotten to the point where she is uncomfortable driving. So she doesn't get out of the house unless I take her out and she enjoys that a lot. It's just that there are limited places to go. It can't involve a lot of walking, and a restroom must always be nearby or within a short distance. This presents me with many challenges.
Especially since Mom doesn't show much interest in anything in particular. No hobbies, crafts, or anything like that. A lot of the day goes by where she just prefers to sit in front of the TV. I have this feeling that I need to keep her company, or entertain her and so I'm watching a lot of tube with her. TV is fine, but not THAT MUCH. I need stuff to do so I search for recipes and I cook a lot. At least my chef skills are still in fine tune.

I'm still in touch with Jewlz from the bakery, and she gives me the scoop as to what's going on. I can't help but obsess about that place since I was the starting chef for the cafes......it's like it's my "baby", and I've had to give my "baby" up.
How's my "baby" doing?

Seems that we didn't find a suitable replacement for me until the DAY BEFORE I had to leave, but we found one, which is what was important to me because I didn't want to leave Jewlz in the weeds with no help. Lizzie did a great job, but we only got her for two days and she left her key on the third saying her husband got an opportunity on Orcas Island that they couldn't pass up.  And just like that she was gone. So it was just down to Jewlz and our assistant whom I shall not name. We'd had her since December and was a great help to us; getting a lot of the grunt work done and such. But there were personality problems between her and Jewlz, which to this day I (and Jewlz) could not figure out. She didn't seem to have much of a problem with me........but for some reason she wanted to blame Jewlz for all her dissatisfaction there. Not a week went by that I was gone, and our assistant left her key saying she "didn't feel welcome" and that the volume of work that had to get done is not what she expected. Oh, that's nice. It's too much work so just leave Jewlz by herself....she'll magically get it done. Nice move. And this leads me to my pet peeve.........

What the hell happened to the courtesy of two weeks notice?

No one who has been through my kitchen here in this town has given notice. Not ONE. They just quit on the spot. I'm not a mean boss; in fact I'm one of the easiest people to get along with, and I always end up with flaky people who don't have the courtesy, the COURTESY of giving notice. News flash people: quitting like that doesn't help your references on your lying flaky resumes! Oh yeah, please don't use me or Jewlz as references, 'cause I won't have anything good to say about y'all.

What is is about this town?

This seems to be one of the biggest problems here in the Port Townsend area......getting good, RELIABLE help. In Seattle I never had problems like that like I do here. There's practically no competition for the job we are trying to hire for, and I've gone from interview questions like, "Are you familiar with pate choux?" to "will you just show the f*ck up every day?" That would be nice. Show up and do your work......ok you're qualified.  Sigh.

An alternative newspaper we used to have here called "Vigilance" had an article on the so called "Port Townsend Flake Factor". I found it amusing then, since I had just moved here, but now that I've been here a few years, I can attest to the validity of the "Factor". I hate the "Factor!" I personally will never succumb to the "Factor".....I may live here, but I'll never be one of "THEM".......

On a brighter note, while shopping with Mom at Bartell Drugs the other day, I spotted THIS!!!!

Starpez

The original Star Trek Pez collection for only $16.99!

Pretty cool, huh? Did I buy it? No. I had to restrain myself strongly. I wanted it, but I have to watch my spending. It would also leave me with a dilemma.........no serious collector would buy it and open the package....they would leave it intact and perfect and wrap it up to keep it pristine and original. As a collector I realize that, but as a PEZ fanatic, I simply wouldn't be satisfied if I couldn't eat a PEZ out of Mr. Spock's chest. It's best I didn't buy it because my collector's knowledge would clash with my strange urge to eat PEZ out of an original Star Trek dispenser. I might implode. So I made the best decision by not buying the PEZ.

Ack. Look at this blog deteriorate! From pastry, to caregiving to freaking PEZ.  Well, dear readers, at least I'm still blogging!

Ch-ch-changes...........

Good news and bad news.
The good news is The Village Baker opened its second cafe in Port Townsend in addition to the one in Poulsbo. In a floundering economy, our business is booming. It's encouraging. My theory is that people will still spend money on affordable treats for themselves.....like good coffee and food. We've got that. Our main problem is that we run out of things constantly. It's been hard to keep up with the crowds.

We had our VIP preview opening on February 7th. Here's some pictures from that day.

Mecase

This is me with my constant companion, a cup of coffee (as I like to call it, "a doublefat non-tall latte").
I'm behind my pastry case because I like to hide my fat. Besides, the pastries look great.

Caseright

This is the right side of my pastry case..........

Caseleft

and this is the left..............

Tyson

This is Tyson, the hardest workin' man in our shop. I'd like to say I was the hardest workin', but it's not
true......Tyson takes that award, and it's not an award I'm particularly working on getting. More on that later.
He's the lead bread man, and if you've never worked in a bread shop, cranking out more than 2000 lbs of
dough nearly every night in very hot conditions (even in winter), then you don't know what kind of sweat goes into that "pricey" loaf of artisan bread. We're not outsourcing our bread to India, so you pay a little more to keep our bread people contributing to our economy. Tyson's co-hort, Mo, isn't pictured, but she busts her butt just as hard. I have nothing but the utmost respect for those guys, because you couldn't pay me enough to be in that bread room. No way.
I've been there and done that.........no more! Also note how we bakers are usually seen with a cup of coffee.
Coffee+Baker=more work
Or, as the saying goes, "Drink coffee! Do stupid things faster with more energy!"

Jewlztatetyson

This is the fantabulous co-pastry chef Jewlz, her husband Tate on the left, and Tyson on the right. I have no idea what they might have been talking about, other than, "what the hell are we doing here? Are we crazy? Yep, we are batsh*t crazy."

Bossette

This is Molly, one of the owners of The Village Baker. She also works hard, as does her husband and other owner, Michael. They pretty much eat, live, and sleep the bakery. Does Molly look happy but dazed? Yes, that's how it is these days......taking care of 2 cafes and a baking facility is more than a full time job, but they seem to handle it.........somehow. I've told them more than once that they are crazy to own a bakery, but I guess they like crazy.
Standing behind Molly is Marla, our new addition to the night pastry crew (danish and croissants) and she also works part time at the cafe as a counter girl. She's crazy too. If you have "crazy" on your resume, you're "in" dude!

Bosschampagne

This is Mr. Boss after our VIP preview day, and we employees broke out the bubbly. I took this
pic just after he opened a bottle and it sprayed over everything. A good laugh had by all, including
himself!

Now the bad news.

I'm leaving the bakery. My mom is getting on in years and has some health problems. I was having a caregiving company come in three days a week to make sure she got on ok, but a year and $18,000 later, I decided that wasn't too affordable anymore. I am now taking on the job of making sure Mom is ok, and I will be commuting and staying in Redmond (2 hours away) about 3-4 days a week.  My main job in the coming days will be maintaining two households; my Mom's and my own. I don't mind it and I have the full support of my husband. He's such a good guy.

Mr. Boss says I'm welcome back at the bakery anytime, but I don't know when anytime will be. It could be years. Months.....weeks........it all depends. But I must say it's a generous offer and a compliment to my hard work that I've done for them in the past. Perhaps I'll be able to come back, but perhaps things will have evolved in the future and there won't be room for me there. I accept that. This is a big change for me.

Most of all I will miss the fantastic Jewlz. She's in the number one spot now, and she kicks ass. We'll stay in contact for sure, but I'll miss seeing her every day. You know how co-workers can be like family and she's more than family to me.
I'm hoping we can find some sort of body to replace me before I leave on the 11th of March. The pickin's are slim around here as far as finding dependable food people. There's plenty of people who have "crazy" on their resumes, but it's not the right kind of "crazy". We need crazy AND dependable, and that's a hard combo to find.

What will become of this blog?

Well, if you don't mind reading various ramblings from an ex-pastry chef turned elder caregiver, than that's where this blog is headed. There'll be pastry thrown in here and there, since it's my first love, but since it won't be my primary job, it won't be my primary subject. I'll always be a burned out pastry chef though....whether I'm working or not......

I wish my co-workers and bosses the very best.....they've got a good quality thing going and I'm sure it will be very very successful......

Daring Baker Challenge for December!

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I'm such a wimp! I took one look at the challenge and said "no freaking way". Not because I couldn't do it, but because December being December, and it being the holidays and all.....well. No time! I must say I would have liked to do it, because it would have been a challenge even for me, but with work and home duties, I just couldn't mess around that much. 

The challenge was for a French Yule Log. Not one of those dried out sponge cake roll-up jobs, but a FRENCH Yule Log, which involves many different components and patience and tearing out of hair. If you'd like to see a brave soul who accomplished this overcomplicated feat, go here: Rosa's Yummy Yums.

I'd try to do it this month (a typically slow month for us bakers), but it's my annual "Go On a Diet for Serious" month.

No baking at home allowed. 

This month's challenge is for ******, and I can do ****** in my sleep, so it's the complete opposite of last month's challenge. But I need to stick to the ol' resolution......no baking at home, so I won't be doing ****** either. Then I'll get dropped off the Daring Bakers blogroll and that will be that. I need to start a new internet phenom......The Burnt Out Bakers....care to join? Every month we drop a certain baked item off the top of a (minimum 3 story building). Extra points for hitting pedestrians on the sidewalk. Must post pics or it didn't happen!

What I did make this month is a Danish pastry called Smorkake or Smorkage (pronounced Smyrrh-ka ka). My husband LOVES it, so I decided to make some for him for Xmas. It's heavenly.......danish dough with a bit of cardamom and lemon, rolled up with an almond brown sugar filling and pastry cream. Larsen's Bakery in Seattle

used to make it, but I don't see it around anymore. If we want Smorkage around here, I have to pull it out of my Burnt Out Pastry Chef's Butt.

Isn't it lovely?

Smorkake

It's normally made in a round pan, but the square is far easier and I can make more that way. 'Cause what we need in this house is more sugary, butter laden, full 'o fat pastry! Not. The Smorkage is history now, there is nothing left in the house to tempt us off our Resolution Diets, unless I bake, which I won't. Really. Honest.

I'm Number One!

A legend in my own mind that is.

Ever since I was a kid, I wanted to win a trophy. I tried hard at everything I participated in, especially if there were prizes involved. Apparently my best was never good enough, because the holy grail always eluded me. Either that

or it's because I didn't kiss the right butts or off the right people. But I know I will never win a trophy for butt kissing; that's NOT my event.

I remember being very jealous when my little brother won a trophy in Little League Baseball. Why couldn't I win a trophy too? I finally got over the trophy thing eventually. I mean, they do kinda look a bit cheesy and they just gather dust, and they mean more to a kid than an adult.....and....I'm an adult now. I don't care about stinkin' trophies! Ok, yes I do. I'm still a kid in a lot of ways, and I want my goddamn trophy.

But I don't want a trophy for just anything or a "thanks for participating" trophy. I want a trophy that I truly deserve....one that I earned......one that says "You're the freakin' best". 

Well, this Christmas, my trophy dream came true! I won a trophy, presented to me by my co-worker Jewlz (yes, the FAMOUS pie-butt kicking Jewlz) for our Christmas gift exchange. She had no idea about my trophy dreams, but Jewlz being the fabulous Jewlz, always seems to know what I need. Not only is it a beautiful trophy, but it's a trophy for something I'm truly good at........

Bakerbitch

That's right kids, my years of effort (well actually, it comes naturally) have paid off. I've been recognized for what I do best.....that's right......I can proudly say I'm a number ONE Baker Bitch. The Pastry Chef of Pessimism. The Cranky Cook. The Dour Maker of Dough. One could say that I could be offended by this, but NO! This Award of Bitchiness is only meant in the good way, and I am honored. You know the acronym for BITCH, don't you?

Bitch

Or, even better, it's "Being In Total Control, Honey!" I wouldn't say I'm in TOTAL control though.......I identify as a bitch more like this:

Mystique

Yeah, that's more like it. Unstable. I always have some sort of psycho trick up my sleeve. Like crying for no reason. Damn I'm good at that. And being peri-menopausal has nothing to do with it.

Point is, finally at 46 I got my stinkin' trophy....so I can die happy now. Eat it, bitches!

The Daring Baker Challenge for November

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I have decided to join this online group, called the Daring Bakers. It's a top secret society, where in order to be a member, you just ask. You also need to follow a bunch of rules, and if you can keep them straight, then you're good to go. You don't need to be a pro, just a spaz who likes to bake, like me. If you want to learn more about the Daring Bakers, go here: The Daring Bakers Kitchen.

Every month a baking challenge is posted, and every one who is a member participates then blogs about it at the end of the month. This month's challenge was a caramel cake with caramelized butter icing and an optional challenge to make caramel candy. I was less than thrilled to find out that my first challenge would be CAKE. Argh. I'm sick of cake!
I'm sick of decorating cakes, I'm sick of baking them, I'm sick of eating them! And because I'm up to my neck in cake nearly 5 days a week, this challenge wasn't much of a challenge for me.....it was more like another day at work. But I whipped it out and made the caramels too, which was much more fun. I don't get to make candy much.

The caramel cake recipe was provided by Shuna Fish Lydon (one can't help but wonder how many people have nicknamed her "Tuna Fish"....I know I would if she worked with me.) I have actually baked this type of cake before, but under another name; Burnt Sugar Cake. I had a customer request it some time back, so I recognized this caramel cake as the Burnt Sugar Cake, popular in the 50's and 60's. Here is Shuna's recipe if you want to try it: Caramel Cake.
A word of warning though, this thing is SWEET, and I mean sweet. Didn't suit my taste, but the fam loved it, the sugar fiends that they are.

If you want to read Shuna's blog (she's a pro like me), here's the link: Eggbeater.

Anyway, here's the obligatory pics as proof of my participation in this month's challenge:

Caramels

These are the caramels I made. They were yummy but also popped off one of my crowns. I will be sending my dental bill to the Daring Baker's liability insurance carrier. Oh, I kid....but these caramels cost me over $400! More, if my insurance didn't cover part of it.

Caramelcake

This is the caramel cake. I made the wacky version by sticking caramel filigree and a spun sugar ball on top. I had them left over from another catered dessert I made earlier. I iced the cake "Betty Crocker Frosting in a Can Style" since all my decorating tools reside at work.

Did I have trouble making this? Nope. Like I said, just another day in the trenches.
Speaking of trenches, did you know that I'm a burnt out pastry chef? Why did I join the Daring Bakers? Because I can't help myself I suppose, and I really need to get a life out of the kitchen. But what to do? I know other pastry chefs who feel "stuck" too, because they can't imagine doing anything else, as do I. But I'm going nuts and my body is giving out. I can't do the hours I used to. My feet hurt, my arms hurt, my hands hurt, my brain hurts.

I need sugar.

Cannele, si vous plait?

Today's topic is Cannele, pronounced "kan-ah-lay", a pastry I have never made before until this weekend. I had never heard of them until I read this eGullet thread, right here. It ended up being quite a long and involved thread and reading all the various opinions and methods and recipes intimidated me the more I read through it. When I read that the traditional way of preparing the molds was coating the insides with a mixture of beeswax and butter, I decided "to hell with it" since I really didn't want to mess with beeswax. I also didn't want to spend my life savings on the special copper molds which are out-of-this-world expensive. If I couldn't do it the right way I didn't want to do it at all. So many people had said you have to have the molds and you had to have the wax. Well, thanks but no thanks.

Well, fast forward to last week when the Jefferson County/Port Townsend Leader newspaper ran a story about the OTHER bakery in town. In the story, there was a claim that the OTHER bakery was the only bakery in Washington State that made the cannele. When I read that, I thought to myself, "Uh oh". I had a strange feeling that I would probably make canneles very very soon. As I predicted, my boss came up to me and said, "What do you mean that the OTHER bakery is the only one who makes canneles? Can you make them?" Sigh. Guess I will be. Personally, I think that you probably CAN find canneles in Washington somewhere else, especially in Seattle....I mean, I can't believe a Seattle pastry chef doesn't make them somewhere in the city! Anyway the OTHER bakery won't be the only one making them here for very long, since Annie the baking machine will be cranking them out soon as well.

I worked on the canneles this weekend. I thought it would be very difficult to make them, judging from what I had read about them. A lot of internet research left me rather confused and so I figured the only way to be un-confused would be to find out about these things myself, first hand.

Here is a picture of a typical cannele:

Canneles

They originated in the Bordeaux region of France and are a popular pastry there. Super crisp on the outside, and a sort of doughy, creamy inside, they are also known as a "portable creme brulee".

The first thing I had to do was send my husband to the OTHER bakery on a spy mission. I told him on the phone, "Honey, please go to the OTHER bakery and buy a cannele if they have them....they may be sold out." I spelled it to him and he spelled it back just so he knew exactly what to get. When I got home there was a loaf of bread on the counter.
"What's this?" I asked.
He said, "It was the only thing they had in there that started with a "c"."
Of course......Challah. Right. Challah.....Cannele.....what's the difference right?
I figured I'd probably have to go into the OTHER bakery myself.

The next day, hubby redeemed himself and called me and told me he had stopped by the other bakery and got me a "callopie".
"A callopie?"
"Yeah, you know that thing you wanted."
I wondered what he'd bought this time.
Luckily he got the right thing....he just couldn't remember the name.
I was surprised at how small it was.....I had expected it to be much larger. Only about 2 inches high by about and inch and a half wide. I ate it in three bites. The first bite of my first cannele, I was unimpressed. The second bite was better. The third bite, I wanted to have another one. That's the appeal of a small pastry! Just enough to tease. It didn't have as much flavor as I expected it would, and I didn't really classify the inside as creamy....more like doughy bready. I thought to myself.....this is IT? This is what the fuss is about? I figured at the very least, I could do better. Or at least try.

I found several recipes on the internet and in my pastry books and I carefully chose two based on reviews and opinions. I made both batters and let them sit in the fridge as you are supposed to, for at LEAST 24 hours. I didn't want to use beeswax to coat my pans (I used muffin pans because I don't own any cannele molds), but I thought I would try just to see if the beeswax was REALLY necessary. Luckily, my husband, a former beekeeper had a scad of beeswax in the outer storage area, so I didn't have to go out and buy any. I baked off six of each and three of each had the beeswax butter lining in the pans. The other 6, I just oiled the cups. By the time they were done baking, the beeswax canneles popped right out. The oiled ones, well, they didn't want to come out at all. I had to run a knife along the edges and managed to pry them out. What a bitch! I was sad, because I thought at that point that the wax was necessary. Damn! Then I had a better idea. I have a "rose" pan where all the cups are shaped like miniature rosebuds. They were taller and skinnier than the muffin cups......much more like a cannele mold.....I thought I'd try baking a second batch in that. I used the wax/butter to paint the inside of the cups. They came out great! The next day, I made a third batch, and didn't use wax, but instead used "baker's grease" which is a mixture of equal parts oil, shortening, and flour. I noticed two things. One, the older the batter the better, and two, the baker's grease worked great...the canneles came right out! Yay! No wax necessary! Does the wax make a difference in the finished product's flavor and texture? Nope! Some people think it does, but according to my test, it's a bunch of hooey. I really really didn't want to mess with wax because it's such a hassle to clean up!!

Anyway, this is how they came out:

Cannele1

Rosecannele

The rose shape actually turned out pretty cool. I'm also happy to say that the flavor and texture on the inside was quite nice too......better than.....well, you know. The OTHER place.

I have the cannele molds on order (silicone ones-still can't afford the copper ones!), so canneles just may appear at a second spot on the beautiful Olympic Peninsula soon......

Signs of Stupidity

I have a big problem with other humans who fail to grasp the obvious. I used to be fairly nice about it, but now that I've aged, my patience has stretched thinner and thinner. Some people may even call me a bitch. But hey, at least I'm not stupid.

I work in a "country bakery". In the building where I make all my magical pastries, there is no retail space. It's just a bakery. The retail space is located about 45 minutes away in a neighboring city named Poulsbo. Every day I make things that get shipped to the retail space every morning at 5 am. Here's the front door of the Cafe, complete with our bread baker, Tyson, and his happy mug to greet you.......

Frontdoor

And here is the pastry case with all my goodies inside.....I couldn't get a decent picture without that nasty reflection from the windows!

Pastrycase

Actually, I'm very happy that the bakery space is 45 minutes away from the retail space. I get less interruptions that way, and I can actually get some work done......that is when I'm not telling people that the bakery isn't open to the public except on Saturdays.

On Saturdays, the bakery is opened up and we make a bunch of stuff to sell people right from the kitchen. My worktable becomes a display table, and from there we sell a selection of items from my side, (the frou-frou side), and the danish, croissant and bread side. Saturdays are one of my days off, so I'm not there to greet the hordes of sweet-toothed customers. We hired a person for that. Customer service.....not my deal.

Now you'd think that the people in Port Hadlock were starving for bread by the way they come up to my door on a daily basis thinking that we're a retail space and that we're open to the public. They act like they can't get artisan bread anywhere, but it's not true......there's a perfectly good grocery store about a mile away that sells perfectly good loaves of artisan bread. There's something about the lure of a bakery that draws people in. And my building has that magical word on it....."BAKERY", which you can easily see from the road.

Now, when I'm trying to get my work done, and I have a lot to do every day, I don't really relish being Miss Wal-Mart Greeter and telling everybody who walks up that no, we're not a retail space, there's nothing for sale here now.....please come back on Saturday, or please visit our Cafe in nearby Poulsbo. There's a LOT of people who walk up to my door regularly and the spiel was becoming tiresome. So I thought some well placed signs would help.

First I composed some signs for the windows that said, "Open every Saturday from 8 am to 2:30" and also some informational signs about our Cafe in Poulsbo that is open daily except Mondays. I made the print large. I stuck it in
the window right where people walk up so they couldn't miss them. Or could they? Yes, they could. They'd walk right by
the sign and come to the door and say, "Are you open?" And I'd have to launch into the spiel. I marveled at how people could A) miss the signs, and B) look in the window and not figure out that there was nothing for sale in there. I mean, you look inside and you just see two people working. No cash register, no tables, no chairs, no coffee or espresso, nothing on display. Just a big worktable, ovens, a big sheeter and a KitchenAid mixer. Does it LOOK like a retail space? Not even remotely.

Sigh. So I thought I'd make MORE signs and place them right where they couldn't miss them.......on the front door, where they'd always walk up. At eye level. One ON the door and one on the SIDE of the door.

Bakerydoor

Does it help? A little. Not much though. People look RIGHT PAST the signs and ask, "Are you open?" "Can I buy bread here?" "Is this the front door?" (love that one). "Is this a bakery?" (love that one too).

This is my favorite though. Some people will come up to the door, read ALL the signs, THEN ask, "Are you only open on Saturdays?" AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH! Now what the HECK is that all about? It is when that happens that I find it very hard to mask my irritation, but I do. "That's right Ma'am" I say, "only on Saturdays! Please come back then!"

My boss thought it would help if he put a sign right near the roadway.

Roadsign

We're right next to a thrift shop, so the readerboard above applies to the thrift store. The sign is pretty plain. "BAKE SALE SATURDAYS 8:00-2:30". Right next to the road. But even that doesn't prevent people from pulling in every other day of the week and walking up to my door and asking, "Are you open?"

Sigh.

I'm not one to give up easily. I'm convinced that if we cover up the sign that says "BAKERY" on the side of the building, people will stop pulling in. Maybe. I don't know. It's probably the smell that draws them anyway. I can't win.

But perhaps if I could change that thrift shop readerboard..........

Roadsignbitchy

Fun with Chocolate Cake.

I don't know if you've heard that we in the food industry have a sick sense of humor. It's how we cope. 

Bugging our co-workers with silly pranks is our raison d'etre.

Lately, my co-workers have been leaving my workspace kinda messy. I've left them notes, saying, "Hey, WTF?!?", in so many words. Alas, my notes have gone unheeded. This calls for "payback". 

Yesterday, one of the chocolate cakes Jewlz baked off overflowed a bit.....into the "perfect" shape for a prank like this:

Chocolatecake

Ha ha! I know.....looks a little too real. But they had it coming.

Can't wait to see if anyone had the stomach to "clean it up"!!!!

Bwa-ha-ha-ha!!!!

My dishwasher.

Here, folks, is a portrait of my dishwasher.

Not many people can say their dishwashers are outstanding in their field, but

mine certainly is.

Dishwasher

This thing mocks me as I drive into work every day. It just sits there in the summer sunshine (ok, it sits in the rain too), and says, "Ha ha! Have fun doing your dishes by hand, sucker!" 

And I say, "Thanks Automatic Lazy Ass Dishwasher! Hey, since you're sitting out there, maybe you could tidy up the field a little...looks a little overgrown!"

And then it says, "F**k off!"

And I say, "F**k you too!"

And my day begins. 

To see how much I appreciate dishwashers, you can read my ode, here.

When Pastry Chefs Have Birthdays

Recently Jewlz and I had birthdays; I turned 46 (yep, downward slide to 50) in June and Jewlz turned 43 just last week.

I have a policy of always making a cake for everyone's birthday where I work, but when my turn comes around everyone knows better than to make (or buy) me a cake. ANYTHING BUT CAKE! Jewlz of course, feels the same  way.

This was my birthday "cake" last year.

This year, Jewlz made me this:

Bloghog

Yes, kids, it's the "Blog Hog". A DELUXE ham sandwich on one of our artisan potato loaves. Behold Jewlz' ham carving talent! My boss, Michael, cleverly created the bottom board, covered with excerpts printed from this here blog. Hence, "Blog Hog"!

My "cake" for Jewlz wasn't nearly as clever, but it was thoughtful! Jewlz LOVES tacos. She could eat tacos for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and a snack in between. She keeps hot sauce in the fridge and sprinkles it on everything. 

Lucky for me, we have a mexican restaurant practically just across the street from the bakery. On her birthday last Wednesday, I ordered a chicken taco salad to go (or "on wheels" as they say in the biz), and topped it with my custom sour cream-inscribed fried corn tortilla which I had made up the night before.

Fiestajewlz

Tacoriffic! Jewlz told me there was no way she could eat the whole thing, but she managed to anyway......

I also got her the the coolest kitchen timer in the world!

I have more fun celebrating other people's birthdays than I do my own!