Old Pastry Chefs Never Die, They Just Make Less Dough

This is what a burnt out pastry chef looks like.....

Centrum Cake

when she's been re-ignited by a second flame of recognition, and the fact that the cake she made for a donation for a fundraiser raised $575 on it's own. See? You can still be poor and a philanthropist too.

Also, I must say the homemade bow tie, fashioned from wire ribbon attached to my formal black chefs coat made me feel extra special. But alas, the VW Bug turns back into a pumpkin, the bow tie comes off, the black patent leather ballet slippers slide off my feet, and the panty hose gets stashed in my lingerie drawer for yet another couple of years.

And before you know it, Cinderella the Pastry Chef is back to doing what she does best....maintaining a low profile in the pastry kitchen.....the only evidence of her existence being what you see filling up the pastry cases in the little Scandinavian town of Poulsbo, Washington.

And what about Prince Charming? Well, I don't know about that guy. He's busy managing his kingdom...looks
like Cinderella will have to wait her turn for him.
 

Bakery

On Crack? Want Breakfast?

Crackhead Pancake!

Because I think the joy of cooking should be enjoyed by all, I thought I would share with you how to make Crackhead Pancakes!

Warning! Toast may be toasty!

Today's blog entry has been inspired by something I read in last Sunday's local paper.

It seems a lot of papers these days have a feature in their "lighthearted" section (the section for people who get the newspaper but don't really like to read real news) called "Rants and Raves" or something similar. People can write in and either rant or rave about things that are on their minds. Frequent raves include comments about finding wallets and returning them intact or about helping the old lady who'd fallen and couldn't get up. Rants include a lot of road rage, and gripes about neighbors dogs.

I read the Rants and Raves purely for amusement. Sometimes you find a real gem.....something that makes you laugh even more than a quick read through the comics section. Last Sunday, I found that gem.....and just so you all know I'm NOT making it up, I scanned it, so you could see that someone ACTUALLY wrote it and it appeared in the ACTUAL newspaper.

Getalife

Ha.......ha.........ha ha ha ha ha ha! What????? One would already think that as a society, we've already gone overboard with warning labels. With every new lawsuit comes a new warning label. Businesses are held to way more liability than they need to be. Restaurants and other food establishments are now facing legislation that says they need to list nutritional information and whether there is the presence of trans fats in their fare. This is a costly proposition for food establishments, because they must foot the cost of the lab analysis and the printing of new (and very long menus). Not to mention readerboards. And this person wants a warning label about food texture now too?
I ask you......where does this all END??????? Will it really come to this?

Warningsandwich

Are waiters and waitresses going to have to approach diner's tables before the start of the meal and go through a safety spiel like flight attendants do?

Hello, and welcome to Molly's Cafe......your fork is on your left and your knife and spoon are on your right. Be careful, the fork has sharp tines and the knife is very sharp! Please unfold your napkin and place it on your lap so that any spills won't get on your lap. A glass of ice water and a basket of bread will appear shortly. Don't drink your water too fast to avoid brain freeze. Chew your bread slowly and take small bites to avoid a choking hazard. If, in the event of choking, our general manager will appear on your left to administer the "Heimlich Maneuver". I am Megan, your server, and I wish you a happy and safe meal. Please refer to the instruction card in the middle of the table to answer your questions about things like hot plates, foods with odd textures, safety procedures in using utensils, directions to the restroom, and the dangers of drinking. Please enjoy your meal!

No, what we, and by we, I mean those of us in the food business, need is just ONE warning label:

Stupidcust

Say it with me now........

Ok, you know what? I just got done watching this week's Iron Chef America on Food Network, and one of my foodie heroes, Alton Brown, committed what I consider the biggest faux pas of any respectable chef, and that is, MISPRONOUNCING a food name. God dammit.....it you can't say it, then don't cook with it!

How would you feel if your heart surgeon couldn't pronounce "Aorta"? I wouldn't be going under his knife anytime soon, I can tell you that much.

It's like hearing George Bush (not to mention numerous other politicians) mispronounce nuclear. It's NU-CLE-AR....
NOT NU-CU-LAR.

So come on Chefs, let's not follow the lemmings of ignorance ok? We may make shit wages, but let's uphold our respectability by at least appearing intelligent, huh?

As a culinary student, I couldn't believe it when I heard my chef-instructor say, "Par-meeez-ian cheese". I immediately lost respect for that guy just because he couldn't say Parmesan. Oy!

Back to Alton. Alton, how could you betray me????? Tonight, on Iron Chef America, I heard Alton say, what, to my ears is the most horrible thing. And that word is..........

MAR-SCA-PONE

Please study the picture below:

MAS-CAR-PONE

Tell me, what is the difference between the picture and the bold blue word? That's right. The "R" is in between the "A" and the "S" instead of between the "A" and the "P".  Do you see an "R" between the "A" and the "S" on the Casarelli label? NO!!!! Do I live in the state of WARSHINGTON????? NO!

Say it with me now people!!!!
MAS

CAR

PONE

Is saying MAS-CAR-PONE REALLY that hard? C'mon now. You know it's not. So quit bugging the shit out of me and say it right. Or I really will put that "R" between your "A" and your "S"!!!

Still not sure how to say it? Then click here and let Merriam help you!