Two completely useless things.

Sports interview

Ok, there's two things (among many) in this world that I  don't understand. The first being sports interviews, and the second being traffic reports. Both of these things are a huge waste of time (and money) because the questions are always the same and the answers are always the same.

Let's look at sports interviews. Pre-game interviews and post-game interviews are always the same. The words may be different (if you can understand what the players are saying), but the message is always similar.
Your typical post game interview with the losing player on the losing team usually goes like this:

Reporter: So, Steve, you lost 42-7...what happened out there?
Steve: Well, uh, you know, uh (cough, hack) it was tough out there, man (snif...snnnkkkkk), I wasn't on top of my game, an' uh, I just got off the DL....my hamstring was stiffer than I thought....'dose guys were really strong comin' off a win last week....you couldn't stop 'em.....dey was tight.....was really tough...yeah, tough.
Translation: Yeah, so I fumbled the ball in the 4th quarter......I'm SORRY man! We're all human....ya know? Plus, we sucked. Now leave me the hell alone.

It's too bad these guys aren't smart enough to be sarcastic. If it were me being asked why we lost the game today, I'd say, "Uh, because we didn't win?"

Let's look at the post game interview with the winning player on the winning team:

Reporter: So, Joe, you won the game, a whopping 42-7......what happened out there?
Joe: Well, uh, you know, we was jus' on top of da game out dere, (WOOOOO!!!WOOOOOHOOOOO!!) we was strong in da second quarter wit' dat pass return, and we was jus' charged up da res' of da game. Deion played a good game, and we had da right plays at da right time....:snorkkkk:spit:
Translation: We won, yo! Dey fucked up enough for us to kick some ass! Now leave me the fuck alone.

I mean, why the sports interview? They never say anything new......or interesting.....or different. It's always "we didn't win 'cause we fucked up" or "we won 'cause we good and dey fucked up". Or sometimes "da referee fucked up...not my fault!" All you have to do is look at the replay, and you can figure out what's what. You don't need to ask an athlete with poor diction what the story is. We were watching it.....we already know.

If I were coordinated enough to be an athlete, I'd be a figure skater. If I were an up and coming skater and didn't really do my best in a competition and Dick Button came up and asked me, "so what happened out there?" I'd say,
"Well you know Dick, it's damn cold out there, and really slippery.....I think that affected my performance." I'd then give a little wink and I'd be off to the showers.

Traffic...sucks

Now let's talk traffic reports. Most frequent traffic reports happen during rush hour....the time when traffic sucks most. I used to do a rush hour commute in the big city, so I know the whole deal. And I know from firsthand experience that traffic reports are USELESS.
It's the same shitty traffic, day after day after day. The traffic reports are only on to tell me it's still shitty and nothing has changed. Thanks....now can I please listen to some shitty music? I can't believe some guy is paid to fly around in a helicopter and say, "Yep! It's STILL shitty! Back to you, Julie!!!"
Really, as a commuter in the big city, all you need to know is the state of suck. We just need traffic alerts similar to the Homeland Security Color Terror Status System or whatever they call it. Traffic is either:
Sucky,
Suckier, or
Suckiest
That way I know whether to leave 5 minutes earlier, 10 minutes earlier, or the night before. Three small words.....very little airtime. On TV, they can just flash the appropriate word at the bottom of the screen......sucky....sucky.....sucky day after day after stinkin' day!!!

The worst thing about traffic reports is that they never happen when you REALLY need them.....like on weekends or in the middle of the night. You're happily cruising along, hydroplaning in the rain, going 10 mph over the limit, when WHAM! Brake lights.....dead ahead in the middle of nowhere.......what the??????? Where's the dude in the helicopter NOW?????? I could have definitely used an alternate route in the middle of the night or on the weekend, whereas any alternate routes are totally useless and equally jammed during rush hour. The irony.

Sports reporter: So, Bob, traffic is really sucky tonight! What's happening out there?
Traffic reporter: So, John, there's a lot of cars, and not enough roads! Back to you, Bob!